When my parents asked why my eyes were red, I replied because I have laser vision.
Thought I heard Morgan Freeman narrating my life while i was in my bathroom. Turned out to be my roommate watching Bruce Almighty.
smoked a bunch of weed with 4 friends. went to drive thru but didnt feel like figurin out how to split the bill between us, so we just went through the drive thru 5 times.on the third time, the cashier asked us how high we were. LOL
I was so high I cried because I realized snakes are just tails with faces.
My boyfriend and I sat on our bed for an hour, terrified by the kitten he just bought me.
i just spent 40 dollars at wendys
Today I sat on a bench in a park with my bowl. After a few bowls I was pretty far gone, I didn't realize an elderly man about in his 80's came and sat down next to me, so I quickly tried to hide my stuff hoping he didn't notice. He was dressed in 40-50's style outfit fedora hat all pimped out. Kinda looked odd but I paid no mind. I looked at him, and the man smiled and laughed. He said son, you don't have to put that away I used to do that with my wife all the time when I was your age. I pulled my bowl out again and started toking back up, I passed it to the man he took a hit and coughed. He started laughed and said, wow I haven't coughed like that in ages. I asked the man where he was off to, and he replied just taking a stroll through the park. He said him and his wife used to walk through here all the time just laughing and smiling. I asked him about his wife, he got this look in his eyes, and I quickly started to apologize and he stopped me, no, no your fine. I met her when I was 14, her name was Mary. We had everything in common, never faught, always trusted each other, the definition of love. I passed him the bowl and he took another hit, held it for a few seconds and let it out. His eyes began to tear up, She passed away a few years ago from cancer. Then he began to smile. 60 years today we we're married. My jaw damn near hit the floor, I took another hit, 60 years?!, I hope I can find something like that one day. Most people now barely make it months. He turns to me and says you remind me of my grandson ya know then smiled, he said you wanna know what the secret was, communication. Never be afraid to tell her you love her, never be afraid to talk to her, never shut her out or push her away, never take her for granted, never take anything you have for granted, love the life you have, always smile, make memories, and never regret a thing. He smiles I love that woman with all my heart. I pass the bowl back and he finishes off the bowl, He turns to me, and thanks me with a warm smile. Then he says, ya know it's been great sitting here talking to you and if you ever need anything just come sit on this bench and talk to me I'll always be here. I look up to thank him, and he was gone...
I turned down the radio in my car because the heater was too hot
Any body that loves to smoke weed puff on this comment
I was so high I turned down my T.V because I couldn't taste my macaroni.